Did you know that the average human being swallows eight spiders per second? You’re probably swallowing one right now. You’ll thank us for the extra protein later.
Bravery is not absence of fear. It is enduring when everything you know has been taken over and changed just enough to make it slightly unfamiliar. It is using the tenacity that all Night Vale citizens possess to make it through another day in a town that is statistically impossible for anywhere but here. It is surviving once all the oxygen has been sucked from the room and making it through not because you are stronger than the void, but perhaps a bit more persistent. Fear is not the enemy of bravery. Giving in to it is.
If you love something, set it free. If it attempts to emotionally manipulate you by telling you it died, it never loved you in the first place.
This is a reminder that Basic Life Saving (BLS) skills must be renewed on a yearly basis. Night Vale Community Hospital will be offering American Heart Association standard CPR/Helicopter Piloting classes, which will satisfy this requirement. Classes will be held in an unidentifiable windowless basement with time dilation facilities. The worthy will find themselves transported to this location at any given moment.
Stay tuned for information on our Advanced Cardiac Life Saving (ACLS) Certification/Sniper Training Sessions and Infection Control/Home Horticulture Inservice.
The Greater Night Vale Medical Community prides itself on staying up to date on the latest in healthy living. That is why we are proud to announce our latest research on citizens living a chemical free lifestyle. All participants have been reduced to their individual base elements and are currently residing in neatly labeled jars. We are having difficulties in communicating with our participants, but we assume they have reached a zen like state, as evidenced by their lack of screaming.
Two thirds of Americans are not drinking enough water. To figure out how much water you should be drinking daily, follow this simple calculation: Multiply your weight in grams by the number of arbitrary guidelines of attractiveness set by a media standard you cannot possibly hope to achieve. Divide this number by your current jeans size. Take this number, write it down, and throw it in the trash. Drink wine instead. As always: if you see something, say nothing, shoot all yellow helicopters on sight, and drink to forget.
Invisibility is an interesting concept. So is silence. And intangibility. More interesting that we come up with these concepts when everything our limited human bodies see, hear, and touch are a mere 4% of the universe as a whole. What do you know of nothingness? You could be drowning in a cacophony of sensation, and never have the slightest clue.
((So this place has been dead for a few weeks now. I apologize, and I WILL get back to regular posting, but this was too good not to share. I’ve been taking an IV class for the past couple weeks, and we’ve been practicing on models of various body parts made for that kind of thing, but one in particular stuck out. It was a hand. A lone hand. A lone MASSIVE hand. And all I could think was:
And yes, that was the exact model we used. Alas no one in my class got my reference, so now I have to put it here. Back to your regularly scheduled blogging.))
100% of reality is an illusion, 0% of the above is true. Be careful not to think yourself out of existence.
CECIL ALL THIS TIME YOU HAVE BEEN SAYING “and now the weather.” EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT THE FUCKING WEATHER WHAT’S THE WEATHER IN...
Pretty sure inventing music was literally the only thing humans as a species got right in the entire history of the planet.
- PSA (Message from the mun)
Bah, hate that I have to do this, BUT:
- This time of year is really hard on me: physically, mentally, and...